Merry Meet

I remember when I was growing up in the 1980s. My mother didn’t want me to be around any of that Dungeons & Dragons stuff or even fantasy novels. Star Trek was okay–that was wholesome enough–but there was something about the fantasy genre that scared her. Maybe it was the way almost every talk show featured guests describing horror stories of their children being sucked into “devil worship” by role playing games.

In retrospect, the whole thing seems absurd. That’s like saying a child can watch The Wizard of Oz and start really believing in flying monkeys. Kids need some parental guidance to help them distinguish between fiction and reality at first, but once they learn, they know.

Back to my mom. She was never really religious or even spiritual, so she wasn’t scared of any sort of sin per se. I think she just took these stories to heart instead of thinking critically. Who can be a ‘critical thinker’ when their child’s safety is in question?

As I grew older, I was allowed to (and encouraged) to read whatever I want. However, I still have that nagging feeling about the whole issue. Had I been a boy (I was to be named Michael instead of Tara were that the case), I don’t think it would have been a problem. Boys like dungeons and boys like dragons; therefore boys should play D&D.

That same protective instinct often causes parents to shield their kids away from spiritual examination. Spirituality is an excellent way for a teen to find his or her self, and it can be done with guidance if the parent is open-minded. I realize I was pretty lucky–despite a few specific things, my mother understood that I was old enough to make spiritual decisions on my own. That is not the case for everyone.

Take a woman I knew. I won’t use her name, and she is certainly a former friend. Her mother was Wiccan. However, she was obsessively Wiccan. Every ritual had to be done perfectly; everything was literal and nothing was symbolic. She took it to a level of stress for her daughter, who grew up to be potentially certifiable. It’s hard enough just being an open pagan in this world. People will criticize how you raise your children and worship. It sucks, but that’s reality. Still, why make it harder on your child?

To counter the example, a friend recently posted a link to this Christian woman’s blog on his Facebook site. At first, it seems like this mother is trying to simply communicate her Christian belief that “we are all sinners.” However, she goes on to describe how she indoctrinates this believe into her child’s mind in a similarly compulsive way. She says “I do not believe in teaching children self esteem or that they should feel good about themselves, because they should not,” and the byline of her blog entry is “O wretched little girl she is, who will deliver her from her body of death.”

I’m not writing to judge these specific people or Wiccans or Christians as groups. I understand that the two above examples represent a minority of people in those groups! I also believe that both mothers are trying to find their ways spiritually–that’s to be commended–but it is difficult to hear about how that has negatively influenced a young girl’s life.

The greatest disservice done to these two young women involved their mother’s lack of teaching. The mothers did not teach the girls to think for themselves, or trust the girls to do so. On an educational and spiritual and human path, that is an essential necessity. This is specifically important for young women, who are already facing a world of disadvantage when it comes to self esteem.

I leave you with this plea–if your teen wishes to explore a new spirituality, please be open-minded. We have government sponsored television ads instructing parents to have open minds about military enrollment for a reason–parents need to be asked to have an open mind when it comes to their children; if they feel their child is in danger, they will not have an open mind many times. By all means, provide guidance, but teach your child to think critically. That’s the best college, career, and life prep you can offer.

Trackback URI | Comments RSS